My Rejection to Harvard's Rejection Letter

Dear Harvard University,

I hope this letter finds you well, though I must admit, your recent correspondence left me deeply disappointed. Not because you rejected my application, but because I expected better from an institution of your caliber. After going over your rejection letter thoroughly (and I mean thoroughly—I even annotated it like it was Shakespeare), I have decided to reject your rejection.

Frankly, your points were weak. "Highly competitive applicant pool"? Please, I’ve been competing with my siblings for the last slice of pizza for years—Harvard has nothing on that. "Limited spots available"? That sounds like a you problem. Maybe expand your campus, I don’t know, build another dorm or two. And "we wish you the best in your future endeavors"? That’s cute, but I’m wishing myself the best on your campus.

So, after heavy consideration, I’ve decided that your rejection letter simply doesn’t meet my standards. I’ll see you on campus in a few days—probably in the library, because I hear it’s nice there. Don’t worry about housing; I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll crash in the dean’s office.

Warm regards,
Your newest student (whether you like it or not)